Name Calling
by knowhere
Summary: Literati. There’s a lot to be said about crying uncle. AU.


**Name Calling**

Author: Knowhere

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Nothing.

**AN:** Just something fun.

Summary: Literati. There's a lot to be said about crying uncle. AU.

---

"What are you doing?"

The buzzing stopped. "Sharpening pencils."

He dipped down and kissed her briefly, pulling back only to nuzzle her cheek affectionately. "You're a freak."

"Well, you're sleeping with a freak then. What does that say about you?" She snorted.

"That I like freaky sex?"

She rolled her eyes but couldn't contain her chuckle. "Yeah right. I seem to remember you freaking out that time I stuck those candy buttons on you."

He plopped down on the leather love seat and scowled. "I liked having you suck those off of me. What I freaked out about was when you started to hum that Willy Wonka song while you were doing it."

She shrugged and returned to sharpening her neat row of yellow number two pencils. "Wimp."

He laughed. "What was that?"

She scrunched up her nose. "You heard me, wimp."

"Because I don't want you to sing that Oompa Loompa song to me during foreplay? I'll get you back." He got up off the couch and walked over to where she was sitting at their kitchen table.

"Try your best, buster."

He grinned. Circling his arms around her upper body, he leaned down and kissed the side of her neck. "Hm, you smell good."

She paused with a pencil in hand to cuddle back. "You always say that."

"Always true." He nibbled her collarbone. "You smell like…"

"Soap?" She smiled.

"No." He licked her skin as if he were trying to give the fragrance a name. "Liz used to make me hold soap in my mouth whenever I got caught swearing." Another lick. "No, you don't smell like soap."

"Flowers?"

He shook his head. "Were you rolling around in a meadow or something?"

She laughed. "No."

"Then why would you smell like flowers?"

She shrugged. "Dunno. Perfume or something."

His fingers began toying with the bottom of her loose t-shirt. "You don't wear perfume."

"I rubbed a magazine on me earlier."

"Fancy."

She giggled. "Then what is it?"

Another nibble followed by a long luxurious suckle. "Rory."

"That's my name, stupid."

He pretended to be offended. "You call me stupid while I'm initiating foreplay?"

"Telling me I smell is foreplay?" She scooted the chair backwards and slipped into his arms, laying her head on his chest.

He walked her backwards with his arms wrapped around her until they stumbled into the couch. Toppling her, he smiled and pulled the stretchy fabric of her v-neck down to expose her breasts. "No, this is." Tasting the taut peak, he heard her moan and he smirked against her in delight.

She wiggled under him and caught the exact angle of his hips pushing into her. Widening her legs, she cradled him gently between layers of denim. "Jess…" She breathed out his name and added a couple extra syllables at the end.

"I know that sound." He released her breast and pulled off her shirt. "You only say my name like that when it's good."

She nodded and arched her back. "More."

"Bossy, aren't we?" But he complied with a smile while his fingers trailed their way down between their bodies to pluck at her button fly. "Damn it, Ror, stop wearing jeans that have all these buttons."

"You gotta work for it. Can't expect me to be easy."

He chuckled. "Damn. Here I was hoping for an easy lay."

"Bad language." She curled her legs around his hips and pushed up. "Might have to make you eat soap later."

Just as his fingers found the last snap, the sounds of the door being unlocked registered in their sex-filled brains. "Fuck!" He rolled off of her and scooped up her t-shirt.

"Oh my god!" She pulled it over her head only to notice that Jess couldn't find his shirt and that his jeans were only zipped up but not buttoned.

"Hey, kids, we're back. Luke found this place and he bought me—" Lorelai trailed off with a loud squeak and dropped her bags in an effort to cover her eyes and her ears at the same time. She was unsuccessful.

"What—" Luke ran into her since she was trying to escape. "Oh Jesus!" Luke turned around. "Jess, can't you keep it in your pants for a couple of hours?"

Jess rearranged his pants but still looked around for his shirt. Rory must've thrown it into a corner or something. "Hey, she came onto me."

Rory stood up. "Did not!"

He smirked. "You challenged my masculinity when you called me a wimp."

"But you're the one who put your arms around me and started to smell and lick me."

"Oh my god! Stop talking, Rory." Lorelai closed the front door and stalked over to the kitchen. "Coffee. I'm in desperate need of coffee. And chocolate. Lots of it to get rid of the images of my daughter and her hooligan doing to horizontal polka."

Jess laughed. "Horizontal polka? Who are you, Steve Urkel?"

Luke shook his head. "What are you two doing?"

"Well, if you need someone to explain it to you…" Jess trailed off with his eyebrows raised.

Rory stood up with an embarrassed but amused expression on her face. "You see Luke, when two people are in love…"

"Okay, okay!" Luke threw his hands up and went to help Lorelai with the coffee.

Rory smirked and stepped into Jess's embrace. She kissed him lightly and snuggled while they stood watching Luke and Lorelai act as if they hadn't just caught them on the fringe of sex. "Think we scarred them for life?" She stage whispered.

"Yes!" Lorelai's voice was high-pitched.

Jess tightened his arms around Rory but walked them into the kitchen area to join Luke and Lorelai. "Not as much as when we walked in on them kissing last Christmas."

Rory giggled. "I've never seen you so red."

"I wasn't red. I was white. All the blood had drained away from my face." Jess dropped an affectionate kiss on her forehead.

Luke rolled his eyes. "It was a kiss."

"Still, that's nothing my virgin eyes needed to see." His nephew quipped from behind.

"Virgin, that's rich." Lorelai scoffed. "What do you call that? Checking her for lice?"

"Lice? Ew, Mom, gross." Rory left Jess to show her mom where she kept the chocolate hidden.

Lorelai cringed. "Sorry, that's all my disturbed brain can think of these days." She mocked fake tears and hugged Rory dramatically. "Oh baby…how could you? At least I could pretend that my only daughter didn't have sex. Now…"

Rory spoke in a droll tone. "Mom, we're married."

"And there's a lot to be said about a sexless marriage."

"Tell that to your daughter. She's on me like white on rice."

"Jess!" Rory's face flamed.

Jess gave her an innocent look. "Oh, sorry? Am I making the situation uncomfortable?"

"Okay!" Luke corralled them to the table and sat down four mugs of coffee. "Sit. Drink. And no more sex talk."

Jess did his best to smile sweetly at his uncle but pulled his chair closer to Rory's with a loud scraping sound. Once he was flush against his wife, he placed his arm around her waist and kissed her shoulder. He whispered, "we'll talk about sex later then."

A whimsical smile appeared on Rory's face and she leaned in briefly to nuzzle Jess. "I've got a sheet of those candy buttons."

"Only if you let me stick them on you this time. I remember sucking one out of your belly button last time."

Rory giggled softly.

Lorelai watched them interact with a loving smile. She was happy to see her daughter so much in love. She might continue to give them grief about what she walked in on, but it made her giddy to think that Jess loved her only child so much. Apparently being married for a couple of years didn't dim Jess and Rory's need for constant affection. Lorelai had to admit, though it was sometimes disgusting to watch, Rory and Jess still acted like they were teenagers during their first wave of love. There were always simple touches whenever they were in the same room. Lorelai had seen the tender kisses and handholding under the table and it still surprised her to find that Jess was so open with his affections.

She loved knowing that Jess would keep Rory safe. Not that she would tell him that she thought of him as her own son these days. Perish the thought of letting Jess know that she was becoming mushy. Nah, making him work for it was much more fun. "So, where are you taking us to dinner tonight? You gotta make up for what I saw today."

Jess briefly took his eyes off Rory. "There's this new steakhouse we've been wanting to try."

"Great."

---

His mouth was attached to her breast while he worked his hips in a steady rhythm. He gritted his teeth and he felt her tighten around him. "God, baby…yeah, like that."

"Shh." Rory giggled and fisted her hands against Jess's slightly sweaty back. "They'll hear you."

"Then you better stop doing that thing with your tongue 'cause you're gonna make me come hard." Jess whispered against her neck.

But Rory didn't stop; instead, she doubled her efforts and grinned when Jess bit down on her shoulder as the tremors of his orgasm ripped through him. She arched her back and her cry became a whimper as she relaxed her muscles and snuggled into the bed.

Throwing the covers off of them, Jess rolled off and pulled Rory into his side. "Fuck, that was good." He pulled up on his elbow to kiss her lightly. "You little tease, you knew exactly what you were doing." He chuckled.

"I plead the fifth."

"You won't embarrass me, you know? Try all you want."

"Yeah right, that's why you muffled your moaning."

He raised his brow. "Is that a challenge, babe? 'Cause I guarantee you, I won't be the one to cry uncle."

"Oh you'll be crying uncle, all right. 'Uncle Luke' when he takes your head off for making him listen to you having sex."

Jess smirked. "Is that so? They're next to us right now. In our spare bedroom."

Rory narrowed her eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh wouldn't I?" Jess smiled playfully. He padded naked up to the wall that was between the two bedrooms and proceeded to thump heavily with his fist, moaning, and crying out Rory's name.

Rory flew out of bed, naked and tackled her husband. "Jess!"

He caught her and stumbled into the wall, making a loud noise. "Helping me, darling?" He teased.

She smiled evilly and wrapped her legs around his waist. "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too."

"No dog." Jess shifted his hands to support her weight by holding onto her bottom.

"Then your little buddy here, then." She sank down in his arms and felt him slide perfectly into her.

Jess groaned out loud. "Damn. Good move." He breathlessly chuckled.

"Crying uncle?"

Jess placed her down onto their bed and entered her fully. "I'd rather be calling your name."

---

**AN:** Please Read and Review.


End file.
